this is it

I may write two blogs today as this is at the start and think there may be some to write at the end

so: back to last night

well , as always we seemed to be doing a million things at once, saddles still being stitched, packing, cooking, artists arriving and then because it was /is  solstice and I am a token pagan and piers is the full monty and it is customary too as well we had a fire on the green.

I always find this events potentially stressful, I was also running on my ownb version off ritalin by this point so when it came to actually lighting the fire I was so high on adrenalin and nerves that got completeyl paranoid that Piers was going to do some extreme weird pagan thing in front of our new neighbours (who \i really like) so I jumped in and said in such a jolly hockey sticks way heres to a lovely summer, walk ,love , life and beauty and hastily lit the fire before in my fever imaginantion we were all forced to hold hands

so the peaceful fire didn't start too peacefully the rest of the evening great, lyn lovely lovely lyn bought me round a windup radio, I kept pledging to not get drunk and of course did, neighbours cooked terrific food lou and lyn this weeks artists arrived (seem very nice) .

this brings me to a dilemma, what if there are people who annoy me or I annoy them, will be so tempting to write about it but then is probably not very nice but oh dear will cross that bridge when we come to it

guess I can be honest about the children, husband an definitely the dog (jasper)

am paranoid at the moment that I am snappy and abrupt and dont give people the time of day (which is true) so new formula aplogise in advance cover all bases.

Anyway woke up at 5.30 this morning feeling sick, have had some amazing dreams recently (got sectioned in one the other night) so lay there running over various dissater scenarios

got up at 7.30am

this is the big one

got on the scales

bloody 10 stone

10 bloody stone

what an awful start to the trip

I have not been 10 stone for a long time

I knew it , I knew it was creeping

so without being to bridget jones

IT HAS TO GO

 

why , why  why cant the stress, the heart beating to fast , the endless walking donkeys, why ? surely I would have lost weight or at the very least the gain could have gone to my boobs,

even more why, why do I care

but there it is I do

 

so

stop procrastinating and get back on  with packing and lists for lists

 

am very excited/nervous